Game One
- "Isn't there some way to deal with this that doesn't involve killing people?" Orville Silver
- "It is my understanding that the trade of a person for a sum of money was recently made illegal in the entire nation." Father Robert
- "You're going to marry a Chappars, of the Chappars family." Amber
- "The Lord has provided you in some small way, as he has provided you with many small things." Sister Mary Sebastian
- "I'm a nun. It's a church. It's automatically plausible." Theresa
- "See, now is a good time to swear." Sister Mary Sebastian
- "Yeah, shooting little orphan girls in churches to get money out of the Padre
It could get more sinful, but only a little." Sister Mary Sebastian
- "God himself said it was okay! What do I need the approval of organized religion for?" Father Robert
On the way to what turned out not to be Game Two
- "You're not deep, just tall." Theresa
Still not Game Two
- "There's only so far you can go with salami-cramming lumberjacks." Theresa
- "But illegal makes it so much better." Andrιs
Game Two, Finally
- "I'll sneak in and hide in bed. Maybe she won't notice I've been gone for three days." Frances
- "Remember, you want me to be alive as much as I do." Frances
- "What would Jesus do? He'd probably lie there and whimper
" Joseph
- "Look Sister! I'm doing Jesus!" Paula
- "When everyone is bad, God should sodomize them." Paula
- "You see, I pushed you off a cliff once." Sister Mary Sebastian
- "Your dad wouldn't get mad at you. You're the greatest!" "Do you know my dad?" Jennifer & Orville
- "I'm only the town hero because you keep writing ridiculous things about me in the newspaper." "Yeah, but they're true." Orville & Jennifer
- "But you don't get hit because you're the hero!" Jennifer
- "It's her brother, it's not a man." Frances
- "He can kill you where you're standing, from way across the room. He's got some shiny bullets, and a gun that will go BOOM!" To the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"
- "It still looks pretty damn imminent." Sheriff Silver
- "It's like Archie, with shotguns." Nick
Game Three
- "Think of the virtues, Frances. Forgiveness is a sin." Alex
- "Hint: Don't grab the business end of a shotgun being wielded by an angry person whom you just insulted as not being a 'real person'." Andrιs
- "You just really want to kill the sheriff." "Yes, actually, I do." Amber & Neel
- "The sheriff was trying to grab her gun during a domestic squirrel." Frances
- "There's only so many bandages and alcohol in this town." Sister Mary Sebastian
- "On the other hand, this'll be the most exciting issue of the newspaper ever." "No, it won't. I'm leaving town!" Theresa & Amber
- "Shit, I need something nunly to say
" Theresa
- "If you're my mother-in-law, Mrs. West, then I won't write anything about you in the paper. You'll be family, and I can't do that." Jennifer White
- "Why does everyone hate me? Oh, yeah, I keep shooting their loved ones
" Orville Silver
- "It's okay to shoot someone; it's just not okay to embezzle taxes from the town." Orville Silver
- "Looks like your luck kicked in." "Or the horse did." Neel & Andres, on Claire being trampled by Jennifer's horse
- "How badly did Basil die?" Alex
- "You can't make an omelette without killing a few people." "Remind me not to eat breakfast at your place." Nick & Theresa
- "Crap! I mean fiddlesticks. Cause I'm a nun." Sister Mary Sebastian
- "No, I've been bandaging all the people that have been shot, not shooting all the people that have been bandaged." Sister Mary Sebastian
- "I think it's not a sin if you shoot someone in Texas." Andrιs