Quotes

Game One

• "Isn't there some way to deal with this that doesn't involve killing people?" — Orville Silver
• "It is my understanding that the trade of a person for a sum of money was recently made illegal in the entire nation." — Father Robert
• "You're going to marry a Chappars, of the Chappars family." — Amber
• "The Lord has provided you in some small way, as he has provided you with many small things." — Sister Mary Sebastian
• "I'm a nun. It's a church. It's automatically plausible." — Theresa
• "See, now is a good time to swear." — Sister Mary Sebastian
• "Yeah, shooting little orphan girls in churches to get money out of the Padre… It could get more sinful, but only a little." — Sister Mary Sebastian
• "God himself said it was okay! What do I need the approval of organized religion for?" — Father Robert

On the way to what turned out not to be Game Two

• "You're not deep, just tall." — Theresa

Still not Game Two

• "There's only so far you can go with salami-cramming lumberjacks." — Theresa
• "But illegal makes it so much better." — Andrιs

Game Two, Finally

• "I'll sneak in and hide in bed. Maybe she won't notice I've been gone for three days." — Frances
• "Remember, you want me to be alive as much as I do." — Frances
• "What would Jesus do? He'd probably lie there and whimper…" — Joseph
• "Look Sister! I'm doing Jesus!" — Paula
• "When everyone is bad, God should sodomize them." — Paula
• "You see, I pushed you off a cliff once." — Sister Mary Sebastian
• "Your dad wouldn't get mad at you. You're the greatest!" "Do you know my dad?" — Jennifer & Orville
• "I'm only the town hero because you keep writing ridiculous things about me in the newspaper." "Yeah, but they're true." — Orville & Jennifer
• "But you don't get hit because you're the hero!" — Jennifer
• "It's her brother, it's not a man." — Frances
• "He can kill you where you're standing, from way across the room. He's got some shiny bullets, and a gun that will go BOOM!" — To the tune of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"
• "It still looks pretty damn imminent." — Sheriff Silver
• "It's like Archie, with shotguns." — Nick

Game Three

• "Think of the virtues, Frances. Forgiveness is a sin." — Alex
• "Hint: Don't grab the business end of a shotgun being wielded by an angry person whom you just insulted as not being a 'real person'." — Andrιs
• "You just really want to kill the sheriff." "Yes, actually, I do." — Amber & Neel
• "The sheriff was trying to grab her gun during a domestic squirrel." — Frances
• "There's only so many bandages and alcohol in this town." — Sister Mary Sebastian
• "On the other hand, this'll be the most exciting issue of the newspaper ever." "No, it won't. I'm leaving town!" — Theresa & Amber
• "Shit, I need something nunly to say…" — Theresa
• "If you're my mother-in-law, Mrs. West, then I won't write anything about you in the paper. You'll be family, and I can't do that." — Jennifer White
• "Why does everyone hate me? Oh, yeah, I keep shooting their loved ones…" — Orville Silver
• "It's okay to shoot someone; it's just not okay to embezzle taxes from the town." — Orville Silver
• "Looks like your luck kicked in." "Or the horse did." — Neel & Andres, on Claire being trampled by Jennifer's horse
• "How badly did Basil die?" — Alex
• "You can't make an omelette without killing a few people." "Remind me not to eat breakfast at your place." — Nick & Theresa
• "Crap! I mean fiddlesticks. Cause I'm a nun." — Sister Mary Sebastian
• "No, I've been bandaging all the people that have been shot, not shooting all the people that have been bandaged." — Sister Mary Sebastian
• "I think it's not a sin if you shoot someone in Texas." — Andrιs